Caving In
An empty shell, that's all that's left.
The isolation has taken over.
The pain, fear, and hate are so strong.
I'm alone in the world, and it's caving in.
Above is a small paragraph I had written in 2010 after I was sexually assaulted. I was struggling every day, so angry that I was pushing everyone away. Being alone felt better because no one was looking at me with sadness in their eyes, but I was alone with my thoughts and anger.
Everyone around me didn't know how to speak with me or how to approach me. I was treated like fragile glass that could have broken at any moment. The whispers, glances, words being held back, and questions wanting to be asked made me feel even worse. I wanted to pretend nothing happened, that I hadn't changed. That was not something I could do. It took me a while to accept what had happened and that it had changed who I was as a person. However, that change wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
At the time, I couldn't see that my change also meant growth. It became easier for me to advocate for myself and the ones I loved. I already felt like I had lost everything, and I didn't want anyone else to feel that way either. My growth allowed me to see things in new ways I wouldn't have seen before. It allowed me to improve my communication and learn how to set boundaries. Every day was a new chance to learn something, and it made me not take the new days that came for granted. Some days were good, others were bad, but no matter what, it was a new day.